comedy

Conversations With Characters #11

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Me: I am loving this new story.
Him: I knew you’d love me.
Me:  Actually the heroine–
Him: Is in love with me, too.
Me: We haven’t gotten to that chapter yet.
Him: We’re way ahead of you. We’re… practicing.
Me: Can I watch?
Him: No, you perv–
Me: Hey, do not yuck my yum. Besides, don’t you care I get the details right?
Him: Details? I’m magnificent. She sees stars. I’ve ruined her for anyone else. Her vagina is mine.
Me: Can I talk to her? This “future” her?
Him: She’s recovering.
Me: From what? If you hurt her…
Him: Relax. I sent her to Hawaii where I’ll meet her in a few hours.
Me: Hawaii? We can’t go to–
Him: Writing trip. Tax write off.
Me: Oh.
Him: You’re already packing, aren’t you?
Me: Shut up. I’m busy finding my summer clothes.

It’s any wonder I ever get a story written! LOL

Conversation With Characters

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He’s the first character to show up in 2023. #overachiever

Him: Welcome back, slave.
Me: Wow, someone returned from the holidays with vim and vinegar.
Him: It’s vim and vigor.
Me: Starting out calling me slave isn’t the way to my heart, ya know.
Him: I thought we agreed to be honest with each other.
Me: Then, let me start out by saying this is a collaboration.
Him: Of one.
Me: Now who is making up their own definitions?
Him: Let’s get to it. I want a red-head next time. A master gardener who is allergic to the sun. I get to run heavy machinery. Flex my manly muscles while she sits under a shade tree and directs.
Me: Boring.
Him: How about she’s a modern day pirate with a crisis of conscious when she boards my yacht used to transport rescue puppies–
Me: Too far fetched.
Him: I’ll make them Westies. Wearing little life jackets.
Me: Not even then.
Him: She’s a cruise ship tantric yoga instructor on a single cruise and I get to fend off sixteen over zealous male passengers, only the boat starts to sink and she most definitely makes room for me on her door.
Me: There’s always room on the door.
Him: Of course we have to test the balance by having sex.
Me: Of course.
Him: Except she’s allergic to the sun and —
Me: We’re back to that redhead? Why don’t you go swim back to the boat and get her sunscreen. Flex those manly muscles.
Him: On it. <splash>
Me: <<Snaps laptop shut>> Let’s see how long he can swim, shall we? <<Goes to get wine>>

Was that mean?

Conversations With Characters

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My hero from my current WIP. #SoBossy

Him: You’re making me too nice.
Me: You rejected your date.
Him: Of course. She isn’t the heroine.
Me: But going on a date, where the heroine could see you “in action” was part of the plot. To show how well you treat women and make her jealous right off the bat.
Him:  Stupid plot. Just let me at the heroine. I’m ready.
Me: No. You made your date cry and now the heroine wants nothing to do with you.
Him: Don’t look at me. You wrote it.
Me: What happened to “you’re just the typist to my dictation?”
Him: I changed my mind, which I’m allowed to do per the Character Code, the manual all characters follow.
Me: Let me guess. It includes a section on how to drive a writer crazy.
Him: Chapter one, baby.
Me; It’s the holidays. You’re supposed to be nice to everyone, including me.
Him: Okay, I’ll stop talking altogether.
Me: Wait! Don’t you have a great idea for me? To replace the quote-unquote stupid plot point?
Him:
Me: Hello?
Him:
Me? Heeeeelooooo?
Him: Silent Night. Holy Night.
Me: Is that a message?
Him: Yes. Take a load off.
Me: Aww, you are nice.
Him: Don’t get used to it.

Conversations With Characters

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Here’s a sneak peek into what goes on in my head. Or should I say — what goes on between me and my characters. They’re so bossy!

Him: Did you just use the word “snarled?”
Me: I’ve been waiting my whole life to find a good place to use it.
Him: Scowled would be better.
Me: Overdone.
Him: I want to scowl. And then smile unexpectedly.
Me: Then you’re out of the story
Him: I’m letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
Me: What?
Him: Plunged into her hot center. Mewled like a kitten.
Me: What the ever lovin—?
Him: Dewy petals. Steely Shaft. His velvet length.
Me: STOP!
Him: [[Leans in closer]] Moist.
Me: Now you’ve gone too far. Okay, you can scowl. But only once.
Him: Then I’m letting out a breath–
Me: Alright. Alright. You can scowl and then smile. But no one’s getting moist.

See these on TikTok, too! @ElizabethSaFleurAuthor

Conversations with Characters

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I can’t even….
 
Me: {leaning back in chair because finally the book is done}
Unidentified male character (a.ka. “him”): Busy?
Me: Get out.
Him: I haven’t told you yet the story I want written about me.
Me: {Tosses dictionary toward him} Look up the definition of “get” and “out.”
Him: You know resistance is futile.
Me: Where were you three days ago when I had writer’s block?
Him: Oh, good, that means you want to hear my story about how I started the store where people find their soul matches except so long as I’m the owner of the store I can’t, which is my purpose in life so I can’t stop, but… well you see where I’m going.
Me: I did something in a former life to have my brain be so strange, didn’t I?
Him: You should be grateful I jumped the line.. {jerks head toward the hallway} … the guy behind me wants a reverse harem but with both men and women. The woman behind him? A story about a reformed demon who helps women get revenge on men who conned them but then she falls in love with her con man and the demon—
Me: Reformed demon.
Woman: {pops head around door frame] Did I hear demon? It’s my turn now?
Him: Get out. 
Me: That’s my line.