The Mystery Thong(s)

I am not making this up.

Last Friday afternoon, after having lunch with my mom. I stopped to get the mail. As one does.

THIS is what was sitting in front of the mailbox. Spoiler alert: It’s not mine.

Of course, I picked it up with a stick. I didn’t know where that thing had been.

And, of course, a story started to unfold in my mind because plot bunny!  🐇 🐇 🐇

My heroine stops to get her mail when her hot neighbor is stopping by with some misdelivered mail just as she was discovering said red thong.

Now they’re on the hunt together to find out who is leaving her thongs at her house (because yes, I’d have them show up periodically).

Then they’d have to go to all the lingerie shops in town to identify where she (he?) might have bought it. Naturally, to make their cover story believable they have to act like honeymooners trying on lingerie and end up having almost smexy times in the dressing room only to have it interrupted because they overhear a suspicious conversation next door between a man and a woman wherein he says “I’ll get rid of the evidence, don’t worry, baby. Just wear it for me?”

So our hero neighbor confronts the guy and interrupts them in flagrante delicto, before HE HIMSELF zipped up his jeans. So they’re in the dressing area dueling with bras and unzipped jeans and…

Well, you get the picture.

You wouldn’t believe it, but we also found a blue thong later that day.

What are we? The cheating evidence landfill over here?

But I kinda want to write that story now. What do you think? Should I?

Conversations With Characters

My characters are usually so bossy, but this one?
Me: Come out, come out wherever you are!
Her: No.
Me: But why not? You had such a good idea.
Her: {{peeks head out}} You think?
Me: Oh, I do, I do! Look. I have chocolate. and wine {{lifts wine bottle}}
Her: I’m allergic to chocolate.
Me: Who’s allergic to chocolate?
Her: Me. See? You don’t want to hear from me at all. {{shrinks back into closet}}
Me: What? Are you, like, five years old?
Her: {{Gasps!}} I am a grown woman. And, I cannot be lured with your frivolous gifts.
Me: You sound regency. We don’t do regency.
Her: You will if I say.
Him: Come out, come out, little one.
Her: {{Shoots out of closet like a cheeta}}
Me: Who the heck are you?
Her: Shhh, you might scare him away.
Him: I brought toys. The adult kind. {{looks at me}}
Her: She’s not invited.
Me: Um, I’m the writer? I am not wasting 40,000 words on a suddenly shy heroine.
Her: I shall consider your participation, minion.

Conversations With Characters. SO bossy.

A glimpse into a latest conversation with my new single dad character. They love to show up unannounced–and boss me around.

Him: The last nanny was a disaster so can you get this one right, please?
Me: Nanny? Who’s writing a nanny story?
Him: You, of course. <<rolls his eyes>>
Me: Let me get right on that, Mr. Grumpy. 
Him: Thank you. I have work to do. <<waves his hand and turns away>>
Me: Um, excuse me. What shall the super nanny call you?
Him: I haven’t decided.
Me: What are your kids like? And, um, how many?
Him: I haven’t decided.
Me: What do you need in a nanny?
Him: I haven’t decided.
Me: How about a personal chef instead?
Him: I’ll take both.
Me: Of course you will. Don’t tell me. This a mĂ©nage, isn’t it?
Him: Absolutely not.
Me: Are you suuuure? Because once I’m in this thing, if you change your mind the answer will be “no.”
Him: <<arches eyebrow>> You remember the last time you said “no” to a character?
Me: <<gasps, remembers when every character who went silent.>> Okay, Let me know when you decide, sir.
Him:  That. She can call me that.
Me: <<Keeping my mouth shut. For now.>>

Wine grapes were sacrificed. The angels sang. And a new book was plotted.

Hello reader friends! I need your help!! Oh, wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. How have you been? The summer (or winter if you’re down under) treating you well?

My summer has included my sister visiting from Germany for the U.S. July 4 holiday. Since we haven’t seen each other in two years, we had a lot to catch up on. Because all great reunions need refreshments, we contributed muchly to the Virginia wine industry profits by consuming, oh, I dunno, a case of wine? (In all fairness, we had help from others.) But now I’m detoxing and back to writing

In the midst of the wine pandemonium, a new book was plotted! It’s the story of a single dad. Since I only have a furry child, can you help an author out? This girl needs some great parenting hacks — the most innovative parenting hacks you’ve come across.

Got an old-world cough remedy? Know a way to put a baby to sleep right away? Have a unique idea on how to handle something? 

If I use your tip in the story, I’ll be sure to thank you in the acknowledgements!

 

Those Bossy Characters…

So… I started a new story. And, this time, I was going to ease my heroine into the sexy shenanigans reeallly slowly. I put my fingers to the keyboard, and here is how it went.

Hero: Sit down.
Me: But…I am. I just got here.
Hero. Shhh. I’ll tell you what to write.
Me: Okay, but the heroine is a little fragile.
Hero: She’s fine. <<turns to heroine who is whimpering a bit>> She likes how that stings, don’t you baby?
Me: But we were going to start her out slow.
Hero: That was slow. <<points to all the other instruments>>
Me: Ooo-kay. This second sentence should be–
Hero: Am I going to have to gag you, too?
Me: <<Sigh>>