My brain has been going off in weird directions lately. I blame it on the fact we just binged The Diplomat on Netflix.

Me: Hello? Anyone want to come out to play?
Him: Whatcha got?
Me: Dunno. Hero, heroine, villain. Thinking revenge. Enemies to lovers. Maybe unalive someone evil for funsies. Need you to have a shovel and a morally gray character.
Him: Backhoe. It’s faster.
Me: I can roll with that. Shirtless? Glistening? Next to a huge piece of machinery? With *ideas?*
Him: You’re obsessed with male bodies. I can roll with it. We get busy afterward?
Me: You and the heroine aren’t together yet. But you’re defending her honor to show off. Someone who hurt her.
Him: If that happens, I don’t have time for a backhoe. I leave him in a ditch.
Me: Evidence.
Him: I’ll pin it on you.
Me: Fiction, remember?
Him: Do you think the FBI will believe that when they get a load of your search history?
Me: It’s not that bad.
Him: <<clears throat and begins to read>> Is fire the only method to remove blood evidence? Can someone leave fingerprints on a body?
Me: Okay, okay. We won’t unalive anyone.
Him: So, instead, I make her scream my name in ecstasy so loudly the whales in the ocean answer? Birds startle in the trees in South Africa? The moon’s distance shifts?
Me: You’re weird.
Him: Welcome to your brain.