Conversations With Characters

My characters are usually so bossy, but this one?
Me: Come out, come out wherever you are!
Her: No.
Me: But why not? You had such a good idea.
Her: {{peeks head out}} You think?
Me: Oh, I do, I do! Look. I have chocolate. and wine {{lifts wine bottle}}
Her: I’m allergic to chocolate.
Me: Who’s allergic to chocolate?
Her: Me. See? You don’t want to hear from me at all. {{shrinks back into closet}}
Me: What? Are you, like, five years old?
Her: {{Gasps!}} I am a grown woman. And, I cannot be lured with your frivolous gifts.
Me: You sound regency. We don’t do regency.
Her: You will if I say.
Him: Come out, come out, little one.
Her: {{Shoots out of closet like a cheeta}}
Me: Who the heck are you?
Her: Shhh, you might scare him away.
Him: I brought toys. The adult kind. {{looks at me}}
Her: She’s not invited.
Me: Um, I’m the writer? I am not wasting 40,000 words on a suddenly shy heroine.
Her: I shall consider your participation, minion.

Conversations with Characters

I can’t even….
 
Me: {leaning back in chair because finally the book is done}
Unidentified male character (a.ka. “him”): Busy?
Me: Get out.
Him: I haven’t told you yet the story I want written about me.
Me: {Tosses dictionary toward him} Look up the definition of “get” and “out.”
Him: You know resistance is futile.
Me: Where were you three days ago when I had writer’s block?
Him: Oh, good, that means you want to hear my story about how I started the store where people find their soul matches except so long as I’m the owner of the store I can’t, which is my purpose in life so I can’t stop, but… well you see where I’m going.
Me: I did something in a former life to have my brain be so strange, didn’t I?
Him: You should be grateful I jumped the line.. {jerks head toward the hallway} … the guy behind me wants a reverse harem but with both men and women. The woman behind him? A story about a reformed demon who helps women get revenge on men who conned them but then she falls in love with her con man and the demon
Me: Reformed demon.
Woman: {pops head around door frame] Did I hear demon? It’s my turn now?
Him: Get out. 
Me: That’s my line.

Those Bossy Characters…

So… I started a new story. And, this time, I was going to ease my heroine into the sexy shenanigans reeallly slowly. I put my fingers to the keyboard, and here is how it went.

Hero: Sit down.
Me: But…I am. I just got here.
Hero. Shhh. I’ll tell you what to write.
Me: Okay, but the heroine is a little fragile.
Hero: She’s fine. <<turns to heroine who is whimpering a bit>> She likes how that stings, don’t you baby?
Me: But we were going to start her out slow.
Hero: That was slow. <<points to all the other instruments>>
Me: Ooo-kay. This second sentence should be–
Hero: Am I going to have to gag you, too?
Me: <<Sigh>>

HOT Book Club! Even Hotter Books!

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