Ten Things I Learned at the BDSM Writers Con

I spent four days in New York City last week with about 100 writers, readers and BDSM lifestyle enthusiasts, all in the name of better writing. I thought I knew about the BDSM world. But until the BDSM Writers Con, I’m not sure I fully grasped the depth of this unique and generous community. Below are just a few lessons learned.

1. The BDSM Writers Con was by far the best conference to attend if you write anything with BDSM elements. The discussions about the BDSM lifestyle, the various kinks and activities and real-life experiences provided far more insight and intelligence to this world than googling could ever achieve.

2. Until you’ve gone to a BDSM dungeon or play party, you can’t fully understand what goes on there. During the Con we got a private tour of NYC’s longest-running BDSM Club, Paddles, and attended a NY Fetish Tribe play party at a private club. You’ll have to message me for details. <Wink>

3. The BDMS community is giving and accepting of other’s proclivities in a way I’ve not experienced elsewhere. The moral majority and right wing politicos could learn a thing or two about forgiveness, love and discipline from this community.

4. The “reality” of BDSM isn’t always pretty. But it is beautiful. The experience of watching consenting adults engage in such activity was a privilege I don’t take lightly.

5. The BDSM world is as varied as the vanilla world. But it’s hard to grasp the depth of possibilities without experiencing or witnessing BDSM in action. For instance, it never occurred to me that the violet wand could produce orgasms – or would melt nylon stockings.

6. Speaking of the violet wand, our demo man, international violet wand master, Travelling Fool, gave many attendees a Very Good Time from the device. I dubbed his table at the Tribe’s play party, “Orgasm Central.”

7. Observing fire play, knife play, intimidation, “take-downs,” electrical play, bondage, suspension, spanking and more provides a level of sensory input that BDSM writers need to encounter. I picked up a number of details that will give new life to scenes that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise.

8. Safewords, limits and aftercare are real. They aren’t made up by writers to make BDSM palatable to the masses. I witnessed a young male Dom give his sub aftercare that lasted as long as their flogging scene on the St. Andrew’s Cross.

9. New York City still has the best food in the world. But I’d really like the BDSM Writers Con to go to Washington, DC next. As I’ve always said, it could use the discipline – and get a better handle on love and forgiveness.

10. No matter where the BDSM Writers Con unfolds, I’m going back next year. But do you think I could bring my dog*? I missed him.

*Side story. During the last day of the conference, Husband and I received furious text messages from our house sitter. The dog had tangled with a skunk in the middle of the night. Yeah for us. Now four days later and he still smells! I wonder if there is a skunk fetish? Hmmm…


5 thoughts on “Ten Things I Learned at the BDSM Writers Con”

  1. Hi Elizabeth,
    It was a pleasure to have you attend, BDSM Writers Con 2014. I’m thrilled at all you learned and experienced. We tried to ensure participants–both writers and readers–received a realistic insight into the lifestyle of Dominance and submission. This would not only dispel many of the misconceptions prevalent in the media, it would also decrease the prejudices associated with a lifestyle often misrepresented.
    I look forward to having you return next year for BDSM Writers Con 2015. Yep, in New York City again; it’s where all our wonderful BDSM Experts live. Some day, we’ll take BDSM Writers Con on the road as many have suggested. Washington DC and Florida are the favorite choices thus far. Maybe by the time you write your next book, “Spanking Washington”, we’ll be there. I’d love to read about a White House aide who can whip them all into shape. chuckles.
    Live with passion,
    Dr. Charley Ferrer
    Host & Founder
    BDSM Writers Con

    Reply
    • Thank you, Dr. Charley. You and your staff did a wonderful job ensuring we felt welcomed as well as educated. Best/Elizabeth – who is off to give the White House its spanking now. 😉

      Reply
  2. Elizabeth, you expressed the sentiments of many of us very well. An extremely worthwhile and enlightening con. And it was so delightful to get to know you and others even better, one of the best side effects of conferences.

    Reply

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